Drawing closer

"Crosses are a means that God uses to draw us closer to Himself". A quote I had saved from my accident scrapbook--a previous time in life when I had to walk through a trial and felt God's presence.

The story goes back to August of 2003 when I was involved in a serious accident by myself in the hills of WV. A kind truck driver stopped at the accident scene and stayed by my bedside in the ER all night long until I was discharged with no serious injuries. He then drove me home, stopping to buy me breakfast and then deliver me safely to my parents. I never forgot his kindness or how God worked in my life that summer. I have never felt God's love so clearly or powerful as I did that August--when I hit rock bottom and had nothing left but Him.

Saturday, May 8th I was reminded of that through an amazing 'God-planned' encounter. The truck driver, Bob, called me out of the blue and said he was in the area that day could he visit?! I was shocked and excited. We had been praying all day for Ruth who had vomited that morning and was looking worse throughout the day. Bob's sudden call seemed so providential..what are the chances that a truck driver I only met once who had since moved to NC would be in my town the day that I was calling out to God for help? I felt an amazing spirit of excitement and started to praise God for what He was going to do in our life. Dave and I planned a quick meal and Bob came that afternoon...we talked about the accident and how God had worked that summer...Later over the supper table Bob talked about his wife who had died of cancer 2 years after my accident. He looked at us and said, "Sometimes it's hard to know why God allows some things to happen...but He always has a plan." I felt a sudden warning, like maybe things weren't going to be just 'fixed' for us--maybe it was part of a bigger plan.

Later than night we had to take Ruth to the dr and she was admitted to Harrisburg hospital for dehydration. I was puzzled...I had felt God's presence so clearly that afternoon--how did we end up in the hospital? where was His healing touch?

The next morning her condition worsened and after tests and labwork the dr's diagnosed her with pancreatitis and had her transferred to Hershey Medical Center.

It was then I realized this wasn't a little stomach bug, it wasn't going to be an easy answer: our little girl was really sick. I felt myself go into a numb sort of fear and worry as our little girl was transported by ambulance to the ped floor at Hershey and my mind tried to sort out what was happening and why....

A team of dr's, nurses and residents surrounded her and quizzed us on her sickness. They ordered a stomach tube placed to drain her swollen belly. Dave and I stood back and watched a team of people hold our little girl down and force a tube down her throat as she screamed in terror and vomited as she fought. I couldn't take the pain of watching our little girl suffer. I stumbled out to the hallway with Dave--we sobbed at the heart-wrenching screams of a little girl in pain, our daughter, I could no longer protect her from pain, I couldn't make it all better, I couldn't shield her from this experience...I have never felt so helpless as in that moment when as a mother I had to walk away from my daughter.

Suddenly, amidst the pain and realization that we couldn't be there for her--I heard a still small voice..."But I am"...and I realized that it wasn't my job to protect Ruth or carry her through life....God was there and He would take care of her even when I couldn't.