Commune with me

Another rough week....what started as a cough for Ruth and Stephen turned into a full-blown asthma attack and pneumonia for Ruth....as her condition worsened Friday I cried out to God and begged Him to keep her out of the hospital....begged Him for healing....my stomach churned as I watched her struggling to breathe and trying to cough up the mucous in her lungs....where was God? why wasn't He answering me? Ruth's July 13th check-up in Philly had re-triggered her asthma and neither of us have slept through the night consistently since then as she struggled with nightmares and fear....I could only imagine what another admission would do to her....

We gave Ruth treatment after treatment but couldn't get her little lungs to stop the attack....I went into a numb sort of denial as I packed for the hospital AGAIN...we knelt and prayed for God's healing but my heart wasn't there....I can't take anymore I shouted at God...why? why? why?

It is with humility and sorrow that I write this story....how could I forget God's presence and love again? How could I forget that God loving me didn't mean bad things wouldn't happen but that He would walk beside us the whole time?

The ER visit went smoothly--we didn't wait more than 10min and soon Ruth was getting the meds and treatment she needed....I held Ruth, too tired and worn out to even pray...her sats finally came back up around 1:30 and the dr was ready to send her home. We felt uneasy taking her home with her history so asked the dr to keep her overnight for observation. By 3am we were 'settled' in a room upstairs and slept fitfully throughout the night with treatments and alarms going off...at least I didn't--Ruth was so tired she slept through most of it :-)

As I paced the next day waiting to be discharged I couldn't even allow myself to pray or thank God she was better and her sats were almost 100%....I was hiding under the 'tree' whining, why me, why us? why again? We brought Ruth home and finally got her to sleep at 8:00pm--her poor little heart couldn't stop racing from all the meds she had been given....

As I reflected on the experience I asked Dave, Why isn't God speaking to us? What did we do? and then I realized.....all I had done was whine and complain and beg God for what we wanted....I hadn't given Him the opportunity to talk to us...I hadn't opened His word for encouragement or direction. But when I did today, His blessings and love once again flowed over me--how often do we avoid the blessing and peace because we're too busy worrying about our agenda instead of just basking in His presence and communing with Him......

So now that I can look at our experience with a 'God-view' what do I see? A smooth admission to the ER without a 2hr wait, a gentle dr who cared and an excellent nurse who got her IV on the first try. A pediatric resident who was honest and thorough and willing to listen to our concerns, confident parents that were able to advocate for what their daughter needed--extra rest and monitoring, family that stepped in with help, food and love and told us to go sleep.....

So maybe this wasn't a punishment or a mistake--maybe it was God's gentle call, "feel my Love, rest in My peace, commune with Me"